About A Girl

Since the last time I posted I have started to calm down and not over react.  Which is definitely a good thing.  I am really starting to find happiness again and I love that, it really is one of the absolute best feelings in the entire world, to just be happy.  As I have said before I do believe that a person needs to find happiness for themselves and you cannot rely on someone else for your happiness, but I also believe that a great person can help you find happiness or at least find out what was missing to help make you happy again.  For the first time since I have been back in Rexburg, I am actually perfectly fine with being here, I am not saying to myself multiple times a day that I wanna go home.  It only took 5 months, but I am good.   The girl I mentioned last time is amazing, she makes me want to be a better person for me.  I am so happy with my life right now, obviously things are not perfect but they are going great and I can't complain.  I was nervous but I built up the confidence to ask her on a date and I can't wait for it.  I hope that she has a great time and I hope that I can show her my true self and that I don't try to hard and make a fool of myself, I don't think I will.  I am so excited and I absolutely love my life right now.

Thinking Out Loud

It is such a strange thing when you can feel happy about something than soon after you can be bummed about it.  The technology that we have is absolutely wonderful, but sometimes and can make jump to conclusions and create scenarios or things in your head that do not even exist.  Texting does that to me.  I text the person I like and then I don’t hear back for a while and I think so many different things, I ask “Did I say something wrong?” “Did I do something wrong?” “Was this a bad time to text her?” So many thoughts run through my head even though I know that she has told me that she is horrible at returning texts right away.  I do know that, but every single time I don’t get a response within a certain amount of time I start to worry and that annoys me so much.  I over think things so much and I wish that I knew a way to stop it.  

I know that the last time that I posted to my blog was a long time ago and when I posted before things were going perfect with Sheldon.  Since then things have changed I made a huge change in my life and it was for the better, but doing that caused things to end with Sheldon and I am completely okay with that.  She helped me get through a huge road block in my life.  Now a couple years later there is this one girl that just makes me feel so happy most likely without even knowing that she is making me happy.  I haven’t talked to her about it yet, I want to so bad but at the same time I do not want to come on strong but at the same time I don’t want to miss an opportunity that could an amazing one.  I do not know how she feels, I don’t even know that she has even thought about it.  What am I supposed to do? I hate overthinking texts.  I asked her something this morning, she answered later in the day and also asked another question, I answered and asked another one in return and she still has not answered so of course I have all of these thoughts running through my head that make me feel down.

The worst part of feeling down about it is that whenever I feel down I do stupid things and that really annoys me too.   I wish I was strong enough to just say no.  I also wish that I was strong enough to let something like not bother me and make me feel down, the worst part is that I know that her taking a while to answer probably does not mean anything bad, it probably just means that she hasn’t checked her phone or something.  I overthink something that is probably nothing and then act like a dingus.  I want to be able to completely not let another person completely control my state of mind.  But that is all my fault and I need to figure that out and I need to do that soon.   Honestly I do hope that something can work with her, but if not than I want to be okay with it and still be happy.  She is always going to be a great person, someone that will always mean a lot to my family and I can be happy about that.  I know that if I can find happiness in other places I won’t rely on it to always come from another person and maybe it will help me become a little more confident in saying what I am feeling.