It is such a strange thing when you can feel happy about
something than soon after you can be bummed about it. The technology that we have is absolutely
wonderful, but sometimes and can make jump to conclusions and create scenarios
or things in your head that do not even exist.
Texting does that to me. I text
the person I like and then I don’t hear back for a while and I think so many
different things, I ask “Did I say something wrong?” “Did I do something wrong?”
“Was this a bad time to text her?” So many thoughts run through my head even
though I know that she has told me that she is horrible at returning texts
right away. I do know that, but every
single time I don’t get a response within a certain amount of time I start to
worry and that annoys me so much. I over
think things so much and I wish that I knew a way to stop it.
I know that the last time that I posted to my blog was a
long time ago and when I posted before things were going perfect with
Sheldon. Since then things have changed
I made a huge change in my life and it was for the better, but doing that
caused things to end with Sheldon and I am completely okay with that. She helped me get through a huge road block
in my life. Now a couple years later
there is this one girl that just makes me feel so happy most likely without
even knowing that she is making me happy.
I haven’t talked to her about it yet, I want to so bad but at the same
time I do not want to come on strong but at the same time I don’t want to miss
an opportunity that could an amazing one.
I do not know how she feels, I don’t even know that she has even thought
about it. What am I supposed to do? I
hate overthinking texts. I asked her
something this morning, she answered later in the day and also asked another
question, I answered and asked another one in return and she still has not
answered so of course I have all of these thoughts running through my head that
make me feel down.
The worst part of feeling down about it is that whenever I
feel down I do stupid things and that really annoys me too. I wish I was strong enough to just say
no. I also wish that I was strong enough
to let something like not bother me and make me feel down, the worst part is
that I know that her taking a while to answer probably does not mean anything
bad, it probably just means that she hasn’t checked her phone or
something. I overthink something that is
probably nothing and then act like a dingus.
I want to be able to completely not let another person completely control
my state of mind. But that is all my
fault and I need to figure that out and I need to do that soon. Honestly I do hope that something can work
with her, but if not than I want to be okay with it and still be happy. She is always going to be a great person,
someone that will always mean a lot to my family and I can be happy about
that. I know that if I can find
happiness in other places I won’t rely on it to always come from another person
and maybe it will help me become a little more confident in saying what I am
feeling.
