Living Louder

If you know me at all you know that I relate a lot of things in my life to music! What can I say I love music haha! My absolute favorite band The Cab came out with their new album Symphony Soldier last week and I must say that it is an amazing album, it's so good and it is kind of deep! So there is this one song on the album called "Living Louder" the whole song is great, it has a really good message to it. Part of the song says

"My only regret
Is having regrets
Traveled the world
I loved every step
And all I know is...

No one, no lives forever
But we will be remembered
For what we do right now

Baby, I'm living louder
And dreaming longer tonight
And baby, I'm fighting harder
And loving stronger tonight

Because we're all just kids
Who grew up way too fast
Yeah, the good die young
But the great will always last"

When I heard this it hit me and made me think a lot. It made me think if I were to die tomorrow how would I be remembered? What would my family and friends think of me as? Am I living a life that I am happy with being remembered by? I would like to think that I am. But this is true so much of it. One line made me think of my group of friends, "Because we're all just kids who grew up way too fast" That is so true, I am in shock at the fact that I will be 23 in a month, it is so crazy, for the most part all of my friends are in their twenties, and it is weird to think that some of us have been hanging out since I was 14, back then we used to think of what it would be like to be the twenty year old people, and now here we are, where did the time go? Just realizing that time goes by so fast makes me realize life is a gift and not to take it for granted. I am gonna start being the best Ryan that I can be and I know that with the support of my friends and family it should be a pretty easy thing to do! We all need to live life to the fullest, do not live with regrets, move on from mistakes and don't let them weigh you down, repentance is a marvelous thing! So live your life as if there is no tomorrow, live the way you will want to be remembered!

I'm not perfect, but I swear I'm perfect for you!

Perfection seems to always be something on my mind, now I know that no one is perfect, but for some reason I always feel like I need to be perfect for the girl I like, whichever girl it may be. I have always felt this way at least since I can remember, until lately. I had my whole the recently that happened with Marisa, when I found out that she was engaged I said to myself "it is okay" I felt that finally I my mind was clear and I wasn't focused on being in a relationship, which is good. Right now just seems like a middle point in my life, I have got about 4 months left in Connecticut before I move out to Idaho for school. I was feeling like right now is the best time to just focus on work and prepare myself for school with no distraction from feelings for someone. Just when I thought that things were so simple I met someone, who may possibly be one of the best people I have ever met. It's definitely a fact that I am starting to like her, but it is even more of a fact that for once I am not just trying to jump into a relationship, I am just trying to build an amazingly awesome friendship that will continue to grow when I am out in Idaho! Yes, I want something to happen between us, but I am 100% okay with nothing happening right now. I love that fact that we are growing a strong friendship with her! I love even more how this whole situation is making me feel about myself! I have more confidence and belief in myself, which is always a good thing! But more importantly I have realized, I don't need to be perfect, that is just impossible, but I know that I will be perfect for my perfect person whoever that person may be! Yes I like her, yes I would love if something could happen with her, but NO I am not forcing anything, no I am not rushing anything. I am letting a good friendship grow stronger and stronger! I don't care if this friendship ends in a life long friendship or a relationship, however it ends I am one blessed person! I have some pretty amazing friends and I love adding more :) I just hope those friends that I have known for a long time will stay loyal to me and not try to ruin anything that is making me happy, if friends do that, they really aren't friends right? interesting thought huh? But I guess thats how you weed out the true friends and the fake ones! But I am happy, and I wanna stay that way, so many good things are happening in my life and I hope they continue to happen :)

This Is La Familia

Tomorrow is a day I wait for the whole year! It is my families annual family picnic! I love it every year it is always a blast! It always falls on the third Saturday in August! I always look forward too it! I have gotten so much closer with members of my family because of this annual picnic! my cousin Allison for example, not only has she become one of my absolute favorite cousins but she has also become one of my closest friends, and it is all because my mother decided some years ago to start having this annual picnic! In the past few years the picnic has turned in to more than just a family picnic, we have started inviting close friends, which has been great too! Essentially it still is just family, cause those friends who get invited feel like family! I am so excited for another year, especially since my Auntie who moved to Florida is coming up for it this year! I am so excited to see her, I miss her so much, she is less of an aunt and more of a second mother to me and I can not wait to see her! Any of my friends who can read this blog, I consider you close friends and if I haven't invited you to the picnic already than I am doing it now! You are invited to come and party with my family =)

"That's Ri-junk-ulous"

Last night was one of the best fhe nights that I have experienced in a while. I guess I have felt a little lost lately, not spiritually but emotionally. Not that I have been depressed, I guess I have just been bummed about a lot of friends leaving, some who are already gone! That is why I feel lost! Yeah I have got some good friends that are staying here! But i also have some friends that over the past few years that I have gotten pretty tight with Jalenna, Andrew, Mary, Eric, The Erika's and Derek just to mention a few and not to forget about Aaron, Darren and Ty who are on their missions! These people are some great friends who have had a strong impact in my life and I am sad that they won't be here in the fall! But back to last night, last night was great, Eric taught one of the best lessons I can remember in a long time, I felt the spirit so strongly! That just helped the rest of the night get better! Nothing amazing happened we just hung out as friends but it was just such a good night! Andrew, Mary, Eric, Bryan and I ended up staying late and watching Forever Strong together! That is such a good movie, if you have not seen it I suggest you watch it! It is such a good movie with such a good story! Honestly though my favorite part of watching the movie was the way Andrew freaks out at everything that happens in the movie, it was hilarious! The sad part of the night was that I had to say goodbye to Mary, there goes another friend leaving! But it's all good, last night was still great and life is great! I can't wait til I am out there with you guys! But I am gonna make the most of the time I have here with my friends here! Oh, I told you I would title my next post Ri-junk-ulous! That is all for you Andrew!

Too Good

Remember how I said I had to believe she was the one? What a joke haha! I am one indecisive person, at least in my mind. However I did honestly believe that she was the one. I had plans to move out to Provo at the end of this month just so I could be closer to her, most of my friends tried to talk me out of it. A lot didn't even like how I felt about her, not that they didn't like her they just strongly believed that she was not right for me. I, however didn't wanna listen, I liked her and that is all that I cared about. Then i got shot down, or so it felt. I was talking to her one night and she dropped a bomb on me, "He proposed to me" he being her boyfriend. I was shocked, I couldn't believe what I had just heard. My world was shattered, or was it? Usually when one hears news like that about the girl he swears is the one he gets depressed, WRONG!!!! I was surprisingly okay with it, yeah I was a little bummed but hey, I guess it wasn't meant to be. I texted Jalenna the next day and she told me "Ryan, you deserve better than that" and a lot of good things like that. Not saying that she is not a good person, she is just not meant for me and Jalenna helped me see that! I am still friends with that girl I still talk to her on a regular basis and I am happy for her. I however am still a confused person, I definitely have my eye on someone special right now and I am really hoping something does work out, but I am cool with whatever happens. I am the happiest that I have been in a long time and I have my friends and family to thank for that, even though a lot of my friends are gone or leaving soon! I can't wait to get out west and see what my future holds. It will be very exciting and it will be party time in Rexburg and Provo!